فقدان - Loss

وأخذ يفكّر في أيّامه التي كانت تتتابع فارغة، رتيبة، مملّة. يقرأ، يستمع إلى الموسيقى، يشاهد التلفزيون، إلّا أنّ هذه كلّها لم تحلّ محلّ إنسان حيّ. إنسان يكلّمه، يوافقه أو يخالفه، إنسان يخترق صوته الصمت المطبق حوله، يشعره أنّه إنسان وليس قطعة أثاث لا حياة فيها ولا تشتاق إلى حياة.فجأة خطر له: لماذا لا يسأل عنها رفقاءهما القدامى؟ ولكن، إذا عثر عليها فهل تكون هي مستعدّة لمقابلته بعد هذه السنوات كلّها؟ ألم تكن هي من قالت إنّ لكلمة إنسان علاقة بالنسيان؟ لم ينسها، إلّا أنّه تناساها بعد ما حصل، وهذا أفظع. المرء ليس دائماً مسؤولاً عمّا ينساه، قد تكون للنسيان عدّة أسباب سواء وعاها المرء أم لا. أمّا التناسي فيكون بملء إرادته ووعيه. وخزته ذكريات ماضيه، ووخزه ضميره. He began to reflect on his days, which were consecutive, empty, repetitive, and boring. He would read, listen to music, watch television, but none of these could substitute for the presence of another living human being. Someone to talk to, to agree or disagree with, a person whose voice could break through the deafening silence that enveloped him, making him feel human and not just an inanimate object, devoid of life, yearning for a sense of vitality.

Suddenly, a thought occurred to him: why not ask their old friends about her? But if he were to find her, would she be open to meeting him after all these years? Wasn't she the one who said that forgetting is part of the human nature? He hadn't forgotten her, but he had put her behind him after what had happened, and that was even worse. One is not always responsible for what they forget; forgetting can have several reasons, whether intentional or not. But putting someone or something behind is only a deliberate act, a conscious choice. His memories of the past haunted him, and his conscience pricked him.