Author's Name: William Robert Nye

Marilyn was visibly angry when she came to my office, clearly wanting me to know that attending counseling sessions was a waste of time for her. Regarding her job, she said, “I can’t force anyone to do what I agree to do. I have to take on more tasks, and now I have to come to see you, which is setting me back even more.” I knew her boss had transferred Marilyn because she “needed to manage her anger” with her coworkers. What I learned next was that this wonderful, dedicated employee was about to lose her job if she didn’t learn to manage her anger and impulsiveness. As valuable as she was to the company, her colleagues couldn’t tolerate her outbursts of anger and constant displays of discontent. I’m happy to report that Marilyn still has her job. With dedicated effort over a relatively short period of time, she learned to calm herself down at the first signs of heightened emotional intensity and can now de-escalate potentially problematic situations before her anger escalates beyond control. Perhaps most importantly, she learned to identify and change many of the unrealistic expectations that triggered her anger repeatedly throughout her day if they weren't met, as they were meant to be. As for Austin, his fiancée "forced" him to see me, and when I explained that he had made the appointment and came of his own accord, he admitted that he wanted to save his relationship with his future wife but was doubtful he could change. “I can’t stand any more conflict with Laura. She tries to talk me through her feelings about this and that, and it usually ends in a fight, so I just walk away. She says I’m passive-aggressive and that I take my anger out on her by refusing to talk to her and forgetting to do things she asked me to do. Now she’s refusing to let the wedding go until I get help to deal honestly and openly with my anger. That’s who I am, so how can she expect me to change who I am?”