Author Name: Richard O'Connor

I am a trained psychotherapist with over thirty years of practice and several books to my credit. I know a lot about theories of the mind, mental illness, and psychotherapy techniques, but looking at my field broadly, I realize how limited and inadequate our approaches are. Many people come to therapy because they are holding themselves back—they can't get what they want, they waste their best efforts, and they don't realize they're putting up barriers to intimacy, success, and happiness. This takes a lot of therapeutic work to discover how they do this in themselves, and even more work to help them learn to do things differently. And, of course, I see the same things in myself—bad habits I was sure I'd overcome. And, dishearteningly, we stay the same.

Self-destructive behavior is a universal human problem that doesn't receive much attention from specialists, nor is it discussed in many books. This is probably because most theories always consider self-destructive actions to be symptoms of an underlying problem such as addiction, depression, or a personality disorder. However, there are many people who don't fit the official diagnosis and can't seem to escape their suffering. Our behavior often spirals into an uncontrollable spiral, spiraling into an abyss from which we cannot escape, even if we are aware that this behavior is making us miserable. There are also patterns of self-destruction that we don't see, yet which continue to harm us over and over again. These are often the areas most psychotherapy work deals with.

The bottom line: There are compelling forces within us that resist change, even when we can clearly see the good things for us. Bad habits are not easily broken. It's as if we have two minds: one wants the best for us, and the other fights tooth and nail, usually unconsciously, to maintain the status quo. New knowledge about how the mind works is beginning to help us understand this split self, offering guidance and hope that we can do much to overcome our fears and resistance.

As psychotherapists, we can help many people, but we have a growing number of deeply unhappy patients who haven't gotten what they came for. This book is for those who are frustrated, those who don't expect any help, who feel destined to cause their own unhappiness. It is also for those who have never considered therapy but know that they are sometimes their own worst enemies—and that's probably most of the world's population. There are plenty of reasons to be optimistic right now; many different fields in psychology and brain science will provide a roadmap for overcoming any self-destructive habits that are troubling you.