My journey from doubt to faith

Author's name: Mustafa Mahmoud

“I refused to worship God because I was absorbed in worshipping myself and was impressed by the flash of light that began to flash in my mind with the opening of consciousness and the beginning of awakening from the cradle of childhood. This psychological state was behind the dialectical scene that is repeated every day. The principles of logic also escaped me while I was dealing with logic and I did not realize that I was contradicting myself when I acknowledged the Creator and then said, ‘Who created the Creator?’ I made Him a creature at the same time that I called Him the Creator. This is pure sophistry. Then, saying that there is a first cause for existence requires that this cause be necessary in itself and not dependent or in need of anything else in order to exist. As for the cause being in need of a cause, this makes it one of the links of causality and does not make it a first cause. These are the dimensions of the philosophical issue that led Aristotle to say that there is a first cause and the first mover of existence. These dimensions were not clear in my mind at that time. I did not yet know who Aristotle was or what the first laws of logic and dialectics were. The matter required thirty years with immersion in books and thousands of nights of seclusion, contemplation, dialogue with myself, and reconsideration and then reconsideration.” In reconsideration.. then turning the mind over in every direction to cut the thorny path from God and man to the mystery of life to the mystery of death to what I write today of words on the path of certainty. It was not easy.. because I did not want to take the matter lightly. If I had listened to the voice of instinct and let intuition lead me, I would have spared myself the trouble of argument.. and instinct would have led me to God.. but I came in a time when everything was complicated and the voice of instinct weakened until it became a whisper and the voice of reason rose until it became obstinacy, arrogance and pride.. and reason is excused for its extravagance as it sees itself standing on a huge pyramid of achievements and as it sees itself as a donor to civilization with what it contains of industry, electricity, missiles, planes and submarines and as it sees itself as having invaded the land, sea, air, water and what is underwater.. so it imagined itself capable of everything and threw itself into everything and established itself as a judge over what it knows and what it does not know.