The Confidence Coach

Author: Sarah Jayne Arnold

What is confidence? There is so much misinformation – and so many myths, beliefs, and expectations – about what confidence is and how we're supposed to build it, and it can make us feel stuck, inadequate, stressed, and confused! To clarify this important issue, I'll first highlight what confidence is not, then I'll provide a clear and concise definition of what confidence is – from a psychological perspective. Confidence is not narcissism, nor does it require excessive self-interest or arrogance. It is completely different from "apparent competence" – where someone may appear competent and capable of handling situations on the outside, but is suffering and feeling pressured and anxious on the inside. True confidence does not involve pretense, nor can it be built on the "fake it till you make it" approach, which suggests that you can be confident by pretending to do something confidently. This approach contributes to inauthenticity (i.e., pretending to be someone you're not), feelings of shame, and self-judgment, because this approach does not accept your feeling of lack of confidence, your ignorance about something, or your facing some difficulties, nor does it accept your making mistakes – while the opposite is true.