A painful part of the story

She smiled, her face a pristine white, a smile that was beautiful in its effect, an eraser for all the world's nightmares, not just mine. Had I not been a cartoon thief testing emotions, and the artist experiencing profound isolation, vigilance, and a disregard for the world, I would have deliberately loved her, invented a burning desire for her, and perhaps even contacted her immediately in any secluded corner to receive a kiss. The murderer is a monk. That's what I learned on my own; neither Dibaj nor anyone else taught me. The difference is that the monk worships in his solitude, while the soul thief seeks refuge in it from exposure. He didn't linger long, nor did he even greet Dibaj, nor did he postpone his work to read her. The writer of his amulet was calm, and it impressed him, while the novice's humming escaped his throat, humming it into a song, or perhaps into a song. At that moment, it occurred to me to whisper to her about her inclinations, about her desires, about the purity of dreams in the night, about the function of my nipples—perforated changes without a glimmer—but I didn't. It was merely a fleeting thought that flickered in my eyes and then faded away. I gazed in the direction of her swaying as she walked away. She was alone, and it occurred to me that there was a hidden sadness in her back to the swimmer, and I didn't know how sadness could be etched on a woman's face. She smiled, her teeth white and clean, deserving of a smile. She was truly beautiful, capable of erasing all the world's nightmares, not just mine. If I weren't a soul-stealer, swayed by my emotions, with a profession that demands solitude, vigilance, and contempt for the world, I would have deliberately fallen in love with her, invented a burning desire for her, and perhaps immediately taken her to a secluded corner to steal a kiss.

The murderer is a monk. That's what I learned myself, not from Dibaj or anyone else. The difference is that the monk worships in his solitude, while the soul-stealer resorts to it to avoid being exposed.