Painful part of the story

She smiled, her teeth white and clean, and worthy of a smile. She was truly beautiful, and a good eraser for all the nightmares of the world, not just mine. And if I weren't a soul thief with swinging emotions, and a profession that requires great isolation, vigilance, and contempt for the whole world, I would have deliberately loved her, and invented a burning desire for her, and perhaps taken her immediately to any sheltered corner, to receive a kiss. The killer is a monk. That's how I learned on my own, and Dibaj or anyone else didn't teach me. The difference is that the monk worships in his isolation, while the soul thief seeks its help from disgrace. She didn't pause for long, nor did she even greet Dibaj, nor did he postpone his preoccupation for a moment and look at her. He was writing his talisman calmly, with amazing harmony, while a slight hum came out of his throat, like a song, or like attempts at a song. At that moment, it occurred to me to ask her about her age, her inclinations, the breadth of her dreams at night, the function of two pierced nipples without a shining ring. But I didn't; it was just a thought that popped into my mind for a while and then faded away. I extended my gaze in the direction of her swaying as she walked away. She was alone, and it occurred to me that there was a dark sadness in her delicate back, and I couldn't know how sadness could be drawn on a woman's back. She smiled, her teeth white and clean, worthy of a smile. She was truly beautiful, capable of erasing all the nightmares of the world, not just my own. If only I weren't a soulstealer, swaying in his emotions, with a profession that demands solitude, vigilance, and contempt for the world, I would have deliberately fallen in love with her, invented a burning desire for her, and perhaps immediately taken her to a secluded corner to steal a kiss.

The killer is a monk. That's what I learned on my own, not from Deepaj or anyone else. The difference is that the monk worships in his solitude, while the soulstealer seeks refuge in it to avoid exposure.